Honey, I’m Home
Our brains love shortcuts.
Our brains love shortcuts. They're constantly looking for the easiest way to do things- for shortcuts, for patterns. These patterns indicate familiar pathways that lead to familiar results- and once our brain recognizes a pattern it can automatically complete the pattern in a process psychologists call “chunking.”
We do it all the time
We start walking to our car, we pull out our keys, we sit in the car, and automatically put on our seatbelts.
We grab our toothbrush in the morning, put toothpaste on it, and brush our teeth without thinking of each individual step.
We get home and empty our pockets or throw our bags down- barely looking at the place we drop them.
We answer our work phone and spit out our familiar “spiel” “Hi this is Melissa, thank you for calling.... how can I help you?” memorized, automatic.
We don’t need to think about these things consciously anymore, we experience the cue, we execute the routine, and we achieve our brain’s goal.
Cue, Routine, Reward, Cue Routine, Reward, Cue, Routine, Reward
It’s automatic.
In the past few years, many of our routines have been broken- both conscious and unconscious routines. We’re working from home, our partners are working from home, and many of our activities are online or look different. We don’t have the same cues to tell our brains which shortcuts to activate.
One way that you might be experiencing this is through ever-expanding work hours. You’re working longer and longer, checking your email at dinner, logging back in after your family is asleep.
Think about your previous workdays- you woke up, prepared for the day with some hygiene tasks, put on your shoes, drove or commuted to the office, worked for a set amount of time, commuted home, and when you walked through your front door- Honey, I'm home.
Many of us have had this line blurred and we no longer have clear-cut cues at the same time every day. It’s easy to send “one more email” or just “hop back online for a little while longer” after dinner. Was it dinner or just a second lunch break? When did your workday truly end?
You need rest. You need to unplug from work. It’s critical to your health and well-being. You need time to care for your relationships with your family and friends.So what can you do?
Give your brain cues.
Set up a “Honey, I’m home” routine.
A set of cues you do every day at the same time to show your brain that it can relax, unwind, and connect with your loved ones.
A set of cues you do every day at the same time to show your brain that it can relax, unwind, and connect with your loved ones.
Honey I’m Home looks a little different depending on your needs and your life:
Maybe you have a pet that could use a nice long walk or play session in the afternoon. You shut your computer down, put your shoes on, grab the leash, and you head out. You come home, take your shoes off, take your pet's leash off and say “we’re home.” Or, for the cat lovers like me, you shut your computer down, grab your cat’s favorite toy, give them a few treats, and let them know you’re home. Then you begin your home life. Once you’ve done it 3-4 times, you’ll have the added bonus of your pet learning the routine for added reinforcement
Maybe you love tea. At the designated time, you close your work for the day, head to the kitchen, use a special cup or mug and make yourself a special cup of tea that you have every day at the same time. You enjoy your beverage and then begin your home life.
Maybe you and your partner shut your work down, give each other a long hug, and you literally say to each other “honey, I’m home.”
Maybe you write an “end of shift” note to yourself, a brain dump that gets all of those “oh I need to remember...” thoughts out on paper and out of your head. It’s OK, the morning shift will get to it tomorrow or on Monday. You set the note on your keyboard and head to your home life.
These cues, at the same time every day, help your brain “turn off” and know that it is time to relax and unwind. To set aside our task lists and emails and rest.
Give it a try and let me know how it goes!
